i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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Do I have a choice?
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
