If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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