reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
