im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
