i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
