John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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