the condom got lost in my hair
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Boobs speak an international language.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize