HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
