so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I AM VODKA MAN
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
