I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
