have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
