So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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