just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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