so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
