I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
