An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
