this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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