I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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