Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
