So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
