I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
