Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
