she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
