i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
