We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize