sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
