Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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