apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
no you cant smoke seaweed
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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