Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
