Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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