if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
