dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
