I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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