So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
