Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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