My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
