I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
