that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
