My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
