i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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