There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
