I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
