He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
