non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
