its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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