forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Randomize
