well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
