He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
