i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
