The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
