does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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