i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
