I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
