I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
