The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
