I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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