you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
