i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fuck appropriateness.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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