There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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