He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
