A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
