I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
