Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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