I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
