Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the day after is always just damage control
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
