it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
