Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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