woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
